Additional Comment on "Nerd"

I tried telling her how large the case was. She's right when she said she blew it off, cause she did. I got to hear her shock when she told me the next day about it though. Priceless!!!

The price for all of this, including the 22" LG widescreen, comes out less than a base model Alienware. Yes we'll have to assemble it ourselves, troubleshoot any problems that may arise and deal with sending stuff back on our own, but we have such good friends that I'm not worried. We built the last one and it went fairly smooth, so I'm pretty confident for this build too.

Yes I would've liked her input more, but she's right when she says, "I just want to play games!!!!" I like doing the research, so it all evens out. Plus this will be the test platform for when I build mine here in just a few months. It might be slightly different, but not much. A word of note: you have to be tireless in price hunting, but you also have to balance that with customer service. Some places may charge less, but their shipping fees and customer service may negate that. It might be worth it to pay a few bucks more. Use your own discretion!

I've convinced at least one of the guys here that he can do this also. He spends about $2k every two years on a new computer. I thought he was crazy, but he's single and can blow his money. I told him he can do this, managed to convince him about it, so I think he's going to do it. Even if he doesn't build it, he says he'll just get the parts and let me do it, then ship it back home. That'll work too. I like helping my buddies.

Happy Annibirthmoms Day! Hehe! =)


-M

She says wake up, there's no use pretending
I'll keep stealing, breathing her...

Nerd Alert

Once upon a time, M and I built me a new computer. It was our first build from scratch. My old computer wasn't dead or even really dying at the time, so I continued to use it. Mine did not need upgraded as much as we needed two computers so that we could be game nerds together. (I'm an only child, I don't share well). M inherited the new computer and we lived happily - for a time.

As computers are wont to do, my old computer became older and eventually kind of bent over and balding. It is no longer fit for much of anything outside of web surfing, bill paying, and playing with photoshop. It can still play games a little but not very well.

We decided that for my 12 anniversary, 33 birthday and mother's day celebration we would buy or build me a new computer. Initially, we were just going to buy Alienware and be done with it; however, we eventually decided that we knew enough about computers to build another. Sure there were the odd bugs from time to time on his computer but overall it's performed well. We usually have a pool of resources in terms of online and real life friends when something stops working. I sent him a PC Gamer which just happened to be about building your own awesome gaming computer and told him to check it out and we would decide from there.

After polling some friends and reading various materials, we decided if you build it you will game. More bang for less buck is always a compelling argument. Granted, I would miss out on space black and something aqua but I would most likely live.

The parts started trickling in. He told me that the case he picked would be big. Bigger than the one I had. Too big to fit in the build in CPU cubby in my desk. I said okay, nodded my head and went on about my business.

Today I picked it up from the front office.

Holy shit. This thing isn't just big, it's humongous. It's like a super computer from the 80's. Okay maybe I exaggerate a little but I assure you this thing is huge. Looking at the picture and description online did not prepare me for what I unpacked. (Sure I could have looked at the dimensions but what would be the fun in that)? I could put a small child in this thing. (Well, maybe a baby. Definitely a puppy. In fact, if mine doesn't stop acting up she's going in there). I should have no problems with cooling my equipment and I'd be really surprised if this thing made much noise - it's like padded on the inside with foam and everything! M's sounds like it's about to take off into space. I love the way it pops open. I love how it looks inside. I love that there are 4 usb ports right on the top along with a place to plug in your headphones and mic (so I can switch between speakers and headphones without hauling the whole thing out ZOMG). It's not pink, nor space black & teal but it's pretty freakin awesome anyway.

My power supply has racing stripes.

Next I unpacked the monitor. Oh boy! 22in's of bliss. I might actually be able to see what I'm shooting!

Various other awesomeness parts. I'm super excited. I now have a house full of parts (TV is half apart) and boxes of peanuts. Now the question is whether to let's M's friend Sunny come over and help me build it or whether to wait until April for M to come home and build it with me. I don't know if I can wait that long!

I think M was somewhat annoyed that I did not participate overly much in the picking out and researching phase of the project. I trusted his judgement. He likes to look at figures and compare things and do crap like that. I just want the beautiful end result of all his labors! Now he gets his reaction. His reaction is !!!!!!!!!!!

P showed his friend my "supercomputer." His friend was like "WOW!"

WTB [Sleep] PST

A Side:

It's 0132... that's 1:32am for all you military folks. Do you know where your sleep is? I sure as hell don't. This is the second time in as many weeks that I'm having a problem sleeping. I also have just a ton of random thoughts surging through my head, so that, along with the two cups of coffee that I had at 3pm (my first in almost 6 months), might be contributing to my current delimma.

As some of you know, I wasn't actually /afk, desipte what I said in my last post. Let me give you a brief run down on what happened. It started by me making a mad dash, along with my head NCO boss, down to the helipad to await our transport. We rode down in a HMMV and basically waited there till around 12am. That's from 6pm to 12am. In full body armor... in a HMMV. We did get out and stretch occassionally, walk around, but it wasn't something that I wanted to do for long periods of time. Eventually we got word that the bird wasn't coming due to an approaching sandstorm. Thankfully we didn't get hit, but we did have a lot of high winds.

So fast forward to the next day. This time we picked up two more members from our team who needed to head in the same direction that we were going. So the four of us hopped back into the HMMV and headed down to the pad... where we proceeded to do the same damn thing. But this time we sat until about 1am, at which time we went over to midnight chow, got some, then headed back to the dorms to wait to see if a bird was going to come. At about 0330, I decided I'd had enough and hit the sack.

0830 rolls around, I get serveral loud knocks on my door, waking me from a decent slumber, to the shouts of "Get ready! Birds going to be here in an hour and a half!" I hustle up, go shower (cause I smelled a bit funky), get back into the travel gear sans body armor, and basically wait. A bit later we get word, no bird at that time, be out there and ready at 4.

*If you didn't know, the military is all about GET READY NOW!!!!!! And then proceed to wait for hours on end. It's a pointless and trivial exercise that has steadily worn me down over the years. It's based upon the need to treat everyone like retards essentially.*

So 1515 rolls around, we hop back in the HMMV and mosie our way on down to the pad, yet again. This time though, there were other people out there waiting for the bird. Promising sign! We get out, check in with an Army guy (ie, write our names/ destination down on a clip board) and then proceed to wait. About twenty minutes later, our OIC rolls up and starts chit chatting with my head boss man. About ten minutes after that, our particular mission was canceled.

That mission being, go retrieve this HMMV that just had to have this completely uneccessary modification done to it, but was done to it so that my head NCO boss man could then do some more convoys. Cause the retarded motherfucker likes doing them and thinks the roads from our site to one of the big bases are "just fine". But in the process of doing this modification, the Army mechanics managed to fuck up a part of the electrical system, so we got word back just in time that we didn't need to go.

Only thing is, I'll still have to go, just now at a later date. Sigh. Convoying, depsite what he thinks, isn't part of our job. Never has been, never will be. There's a lot of resentment on our teams part for him trying to push this. Apparently he did this back in '03 for six months, convoying that is. If he really wanted to do that again, there's spots open for that. Specific spots that he could've volunteered for, but he didn't. That's something that he really needs to come to terms with.

It's stupid bullshit like this that also makes me count down the days to my mid-tour leave with increasing relish. And on that subject...

B Side:

A friend asked me what I was going to do on my mid-tour. I told her... I really don't know. I plan on spending time with the family, visiting some eateries that I miss, reaquaint myself with the Lay-Z-Boy and just try to relax for this brief brief visit. Past that... nothing. I'm not doing any traveling. If people want to see me, they better come to me. That goes for my parents, friends and most especially work.

I swear to God if work calls and tries to get me to come in and just bullshit... I might just hang up and disconnect the phone for the rest of my time home. Because inevitably they're going to want me to speak about my time here, and honestly... I just don't want to. Why? Cause I don't know what to say besides this place is just fucked up. Most of them don't have a frame of reference to compare it to. I can tell them all day long about what's it's like here, but I don't think it'll be anymore than a passing curiosity for them. They'll want to hear about it for a while, then just shuttle me off.

On top of that, they're going to want me to speak to the students about my time here and those are the people who I just really don't want to talk to. I like to say that there's no dumb questions, but I make exceptions for these people. Part of it is a true curiosity to find out what "life in the field" is like. They're grasping for any kind of information that they'll find useful, which isn't a bad thing, it's just that it's also highly situational. My experiences here aren't going to be the same as someone who is in Baghdad, Basra or Balad. Also the only way to really find out what it's like to be here is to simply be here. We had people who'd been here 3-5 times tell us all sorts of shit, but we really didn't believe any of it until we experienced it first hand. Then it was like... oh yeah, so and so told us about that/ this.

I can tell them, the students, what's it's going to be like, what the conditions are, the boredom, the monotony, the helpless feelings, the fear... but all that will really do is probably reinforce their own fears and be totally counterproductive in the process. I can also tell them about all the awesome things that I've done here, but that'll get lost in the truth of the matter. Most people key in on the negative. For every one person that does hold out a glimmer of hope, I'm sure there's nine others there to try to drag him back down.

I don't know. I find myself becoming increasingly jaded and cynical about everything regarding this place, and Iraq as a whole. Most of us came here with very high hopes, plans of trying to make a difference, doing good, but that's been crushed by simply dealing with these people on a daily basis and watching them shoot themselves in the foot over and over and over and over... ad nausem. How many times can you teach a man to fish before he finally stops stealing the pole and selling it off on the sly, then coming back and asking for a new one, before he finally becomes self sufficent?


This is the type of rambling shit you get when you just can't go to sleep. No apologies for spelling/ gramatical errors I might commit. A friend of mine calls them "mike-isms". That's basically where my fingers can't keep up with what my brain has to say and I inevitably misspell words in hilarious patterns, thus inventing new funnier words.

I do have some good WoW news, but I feel I've been posting to much of it as of late, so I'm just going to say the mage hit the Karahzan loot pinta pretty damn hard. I also want to say thanks to my good friends on my mages server for being so kind and helpful. You guys are going above and beyond to try to help me out. Thank you so much.


-M

What a wicked thing to do,
to make me dream of you...

The One With The Inauspicious Start

Today began with P continuing to suffer a severe headache and a sore throat. He had run a fever off and on throughout the night. I let him stay home.

Last night, the lovely puppikins chewed up my size 10 circular needles. I am waiting on another skein before I can finish the small bag. In the meantime, I'd started on the larger, shopping bag, version. You can see what used to be a ball of yarn behind the project to the left. The project itself managed to survive with the exception of a piece on the edge that is still held together by a very thin thread. I managed to knot it and after tugging a bit determined it to be stable enough. Today, I came home empty handed after traveling 4 different places looking for size 10 circulars in bamboo instead of that awful metal or plastic.

Next, I'm opening my mail to find more goodies. One is where I was charged a finance charge of $19.02 on a balance of 0.00. Also, my insurance company still hasn't paid for x-rays from over a year ago when I had pneumonia. Then I get another nasty gram from the attendance office in our county reminding me about the law regarding sending your children to school. As if I've forgotten. I can't help that he's sick, his grandmother died, a grandfather died, his father went to war, and you can't get a bloody same day appointment for anything at the base. I'm not sitting in the ER all day so he can have a freakin note. I am not neglecting him. I'm taking care of him. Not to mention protecting the other children from his cooties when he's not feeling good.

Then I couldn't find my DS games. M had another unsuccessful run in WOW which left him somewhat crabby. I've been irritable in general for a couple of days. This blasted TV is still in my house and I've about reached a point where I'm ready to start begging on the street for someone to come get the @#$@ thing out of my apartment. I had to cancel therapy today. I'm sure work wasn't thrilled by my absence - yet again.

And oh yes, let us not forget that at 1:30am when I took the puppikins out to potty she decided to piddle on the welcome mat of a disgruntled neighbor. This might not have been a problem except that they were coming out to take their dog out at the same freakin time. Good job puppikins on making me look like an asshat. Thanks.

In spite of that start, the day is not a complete loss. I did finally find my needles and transferred my project onto them. I took P to Urgicare and got my stupid excuse for today along with some antibiotics so we can finally get rid of whatever is ailing him. I talked to the attendance Nazi who basically said she'd make note about M going to war and P's documented stomach ailment and if I could manage to get through the rest of the year without any more unexcused days off I need not look for the Police man with handcuffs. I got the credit card people to credit me the $20 so the card is officially paid off. P found my bag of games (2 are still AWOL but at least we found the bulk of it).

I still haven't called the insurance company (again) about the stupid X-rays. I am saving that treat for tomorrow. I have an idea where the AWOL games might be. I'm determined to find someone to haul out the TV by this weekend. So things are settled for the time being.

I have the whole day ahead of me and I'm not sure what to do with it.

Yesterday, I woke up irritated and angry. I stayed that way for most of the day. I should have been blocking my hobo bag but I was unable to finish the strap because I did not have enough yarn. I triple checked my gauge. It was perfect. I should have had enough yarn to finish the blasted thing but I was short. The strap would have been more of a handle. I ordered another skein, through Ebay. S (mother-in-law) is obsessed with Ebay so I just let her order it with her account and paid her the cash. I couldn't get the same Lot number but I think that given the variegation in the bag they same color should match closely enough. The fact I had to buy a whole new skein for 10 inches of strap and a couple seams did little to improve my irritation.

Now I have to wonder if the 6 skeins will be enough to finish the larger bag? At least I believe they had plenty more skeins available at the store in the French Quarter. Perhaps I can get them to mail me another if I must.

After watching P's soccer game, in which he played an amazing goalie, I took a nap. A word about the game: if the offense could finish, P's team could have won. He held off their defense quite well. Score ended up being 2-1.

The nap helped my irritability a little bit. I worked on my sock with baby cables for a bit. I also helped S with her sock. She's determined to make a sock because her sister and I have made or are making socks. I'm amazed at how much trouble she seems to have with a simple enough knit 2 purl 2 cuff.

We played a game of Ticket to Ride after that. P had to call it gay and quit about 12 minutes in (as usual) but he recanted fairly quickly and managed to play the rest of the game without further incident. He won. I think that's his strategy - somehow the bitching and whining and fit throwing helps him to win.

I'm so excited about April. I've decided that there is no way on God's Green Earth I would be able to go to work during the couple weeks M comes home for his midtour. He chose April, which technically isn't mid, because P is on spring break then. I'm staying home. If they quibble about it, I hand them my resignation.

/AFK

Going to be taking a trip to Balad here over the next few days. Wish me luck and I'll talk to you guys/ gals soon. New pics in the picture slide show thing on the side. Enjoy! :)


-M

Chasing the Yarn Trail

After P's fantastic soccer game (6-0 victory with 1 goal for P by beautiful PK) we traveled to Mandeville, LA to Knitwits and then to the Quarter Stitch in the French Quarter in New Orleans.

It's not an outrageous drive and I've been to New Orleans for the Zoo and the Riverwalk but I had not really spent much time in the French Quarter before.

It reminded me a little of some of the street markets in Burlington,

Vermont. It also reminded me of downtown Charleston, South Carolina. While the hurricane/flood created a lot of havoc in the area, a lot of the old architecture remains.

There were numerous street performers to watch. One man did a robotic act which included dancing and standing perfectly still to startle unsuspecting passerbys.

We also saw the "voodoo queen" getting ready to set up shop. She

had a sign insisting that you tip her if you take pictures but since I caught her before her sign was out I don't think I'll have to worry about the "or else."

A band played while a man in a purple top hat and yellow, pink and purple shirt sat on a bench nearby. They played just outside of a place called Pirate Alley. It included a beat up base, a flute, a young trumpet player, a drummer and a tuba player.


While you were enjoying the music, you could see the palm reader on one side or have your bones read by either the bone lady or the bone man located conveniently next to the hot dog stand.

One thing I really liked about the area was the way the corner pubs had multiple doors all along their walls that they could open up so that you were outside yet not. The old architecture is fantastic to look at. The people are varied and interesting. It has a
bustle of activity, yet somehow it is a relaxed and pleasant hustle
rather than the jostling hustle of a big city.

I found a wonderful hobo bag pattern which comes in large or small so that I can make one as a nice purse and the other as a shopping bag. I also finally located a yarn swift and ball winder. I picked up a nice Lantern Moon needle case too.

My mother-in-law picked up some sock yarn and dpns so she can learn to make socks like I do.

I've run in to some snooty yarn stores in my short time as a yarnophile. The Quarter Stitch was wonderful. They are too small to hold classes but they were more than happy to offer for you to come any time you wanted for instruction on whatever you happened to be working on. The lead teacher has knit for over 40 years and learned from a book (much like I did) and recommended a few books that might help me in a pinch or between visits. I picked those up on the way home.

Long, exciting day.

When we returned home, we played Settlers of Catan. I rather enjoyed it. It wasn't crazy complicated, it didn't take forever, once you got the hang of the rules you were set and it created opportunity for both strategy and some wheeling and dealing with your neighbors. P wasn't very excited (though he won) but he always throws a hissy if he can't wtfpwn you in 5 minutes of playing a game. If it is not a very clear and decisive victory he wants nothing to do with it. I think I had to threaten to ground him 4 times in the course of the game because I was insistent that if he had me rush back to learn to play this and go through the trouble of setting up the board he was going to finish 1 darned game before he wrote it off as something he didn't like.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I walked in the door after work and physical therapy today to find a box with an air hole waiting on my desk! I was so excited. Vermont is my most favorite place on earth and while we were there last time we toured the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory.

Now if only he could have sent me a maple syrup soft serve...

The package I mailed him with his Valentine's goodies made it there today as well.

Dammit Jim - The Female Version

M and I met at a college party. We eventually ended up back in my dorm room where I proceeded to pound his face into mid court repeatedly while playing NBA Live 95 on the SNES. We've always been competetive and we've always been gamers. Since we spent time playing together, I thought it would be interesting to compare my scores to his:

Advancement: Your percentile rank is 73% on this subcomponent.
Mechanics: Your percentile rank is 36% on this subcomponent.
Competition: Your percentile rank is 48% on this subcomponent.
Chat: Your percentile rank is 79% on this subcomponent.
Relate: Your percentile rank is 69% on this subcomponent.
Teamwork: Your percentile rank is 40% on this subcomponent.
Discovery: Your percentile rank is 80% on this subcomponent.
Role-Playing: Your percentile rank is 91% on this subcomponent.
Customization: Your percentile rank is 68% on this subcomponent.
Escapism: Your percentile rank is 39% on this subcomponent.

I scored somewhat low on Teamwork but this is deceptive. I would rather work in a group; however, the questions were worded in a way that often had me choosing a more solo route. I would rather work in a group but I do not like to be stuck in a position where I cannot go gather resources or complete things because I cannot find a group. I spent a lot of my WOW life soloing because my group advanced faster and left me behind or I just didn't have one.

In any case, this is interesting to look at because one can see that while we both like gaming we are motivated by different things. This fact often finds us playing at the same time but not necessarily together.

Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not an escalator!

A Side:

Regarding Heathers post: flattery will get you everywhere my dear :) Also, this is going to be a rather long post so grab a drink, some snacks and take your time.

While wading around the intardnets, I did my usual daily stop over at WoW Insider and they had a rather intersting article. It dealt with a guy who was going about leveling his hunter in a very non-traditional manner. Hunters in the game typically use a bow or gun, and along with their pet, shoot from afar to kill their target.

This guy though... he was leveling his character through pure melee. He is a melee hunter! Normally I would've laughed at something like that as I sat there and hacked his face in on my warrior. But times have changed. I'm a kinder, gentler face raper. Also seeing his explaination forced me to look at my own reasons for why I continue to play this game.

One of the links in the article lead to this site, The Daedalus Project. It's a site devoted to the psychology of MMORPG players. It attempts to explain what drives us to do the things we do in these games. Seeing how I like a good head shrinking as much as the next guy, I went over and checked out their personality test. It came back with kind of what I expected, but the results might surprise my friends, and you, Mr/ Mrs Anonymous Reader:

Overview:The percentages listed below are your approximate percentile ranks generated from a sample of 3200 MMORPG gamers. In other words, a 50% means half of your peers scored lower than you and the other half scored higher than you, while a 10% means that your score was lower than 90% of your peers. Some people may intuitively feel that 50% is a very high score, but in fact 50% is perfectly normal and average. If you left any questions blank in the survey, they were replaced by the mean score for that response.

How To Interpret Scores:There are 3 main motivation components - Achievement, Socializing, and Immersion - each which has several subcomponents. For the most part, average scores (between 40% - 60%) aren't very interesting. Most gamers have several low scores and several high scores and it is these that reveal the preferences and dislikes of a gamer. The graphs below list your subcomponent scores and the main component scores.

The Achievement Component:

Advancement: Gamers who score high on this subcomponent derive satisfaction from reaching goals, leveling quickly and accumulating in-game resources such as gold. They enjoy making constant progress and gaining power in the forms offered by the game - combat prowess, social recognition, or financial/industrial superiority. Gamers who score high on this subcomponent are typically drawn to serious, hard-core guilds that can facilitate their advancement. Your percentile rank is 86% on this subcomponent.

Mechanics: Gamers who score high on Mechanics derive satisfaction from analyzing and understanding the underlying numerical mechanics of the system. For example, they may be interested in calculating the precise damage difference between dual-wielding one-handed swords vs. using a two-handed sword, or figuring out the resolution order of dodges, misses, and evasions. Their goal in understanding the underlying system is typically to facilitate templating or optimizing a character that excels in a particular domain. Your percentile rank is 73% on this subcomponent.

Competition: Gamers who score high on this subcomponent enjoy the rush and experience of competing with other gamers on the battlefield or economy. This includes both fair, constrained challenges - such as dueling or structured PvP/RvR, as well as unprovoked acts - such as scamming or griefing. Gamers who score high on this subcomponent enjoy the power of beating or dominating other players. Your percentile rank is 60% on this subcomponent.

Overall what this says is what people kind of know about me already. I like to compete. I'm very competative. I enjoy raiding, seeing new instances/ bosses/ mobs, and that I digg the mechanics behind the game (even though I don't always understand them; math ez hrdz). I like to progress in the game, somehow. If I don't feel like I'm progressing, I get bored... quickly. It's not an ADD thing, it's more of "I don't have anything to do... so why am I here?"

Although under competition, I don't really enjoy scamming or griefing. I've never enjoyed low level griefing, but within +/ - 2 levels of you I think you're fair game. Past that gets into the retarded power imbalance and it's not really a competition, ie I do try to play fair. But that's my own code of ethics that I try to extend into the game.


The Socializing Component:
Chat: Gamers who score high on this subcomponent enjoy meeting and getting to know other gamers. They like to chit-chat and gossip with other players as well as helping out others in general - whether these be less-experienced players or existing friends. Gamers who score high on this subcomponent are typically drawn to casual, friendly guilds. Your percentile rank is 70% on this subcomponent.

Relate: Gamers who score high on this subcomponent are looking to form sustained, meaningful relationships with others. They do not mind having personal and meaningful conversations with others that touch on RL issues or problems. They typically seek out close online friends when they need support and give support when others are dealing with RL crises or problems. Your percentile rank is 98% on this subcomponent.

Teamwork: Gamers who score high on Teamwork enjoy working and collaborating with others. They would rather group than solo, and derive more satisfaction from group achievements than from individual achievements. Gamers who score low on this subcomponent prefer to solo and find it extremely important to be self-sufficient and not have to rely on other gamers. They typically group only when it is absolutely necessary. Your percentile rank is 76% on this subcomponent.

This would probably explain a lot about why I'm unhappy atm. Just like in real life, I don't like to be alone in game. I don't mind going off solo to grind out a bit of cash, but for the most part I like to be with my friends and us doing thing together. I'm a pretty social person in the real world and that translates over into the game as well.

Also, I like to get to know my guildies too. While that might not extend all the way over in to real name swapping (sorry, military OPSEC makes me paranoid =/), for the most part I'll do a fair bit of sharing. Hell, Heather and I have even been known to argue about real life shit in game through tells and subsequently have it spill over into guild chat much to the amusement of everyone else. Fun times had by all!


The Immersion Component:
Discovery: Players who score high on Discovery enjoy exploring the world and discovering locations, quests or artifacts that others may not know about. They enjoy traveling just to see different parts of the world as well as investigating physical locations (such as dungeons and caves). They enjoy collecting information, artifacts or trinkets that few others have. Your percentile rank is 9% on this subcomponent.

Role-Playing: Players who score high on Role-Playing enjoy being immersed in a story through the eyes of a character that they designed. These players typically take time to read or understand the back-story of the world as well as taking time to create a history and story for their characters. Also, they enjoy role-playing their characters as a way of integrating their character into the larger ongoing story of the world. Your percentile rank is 20% on this subcomponent.

Customization: Players who score high on this subcomponent enjoy customizing the appearance of their characters. It is very important to them that their character has a unique style or appearance. They like it when games offer a breadth of customization options and take time to make sure that their character has a coherent color scheme and style. Your percentile rank is 68% on this subcomponent.

Escapism: Gamers who score high on Escapism use the environment as a place to relax or relieve their stress from the real world. These players may use the game as a way to avoid thinking about their RL problems or in general as a way to escape RL. Your percentile rank is 83% on this subcomponent.

This one? Well this one is no surprise really. I'm not really a role player, nor do I like to just go around and "discover" things. I'm goal oriented, so just driving around checking shit out... not for me.

As well as role playing, which is funny as hell because my mage is on an RP server. I made him there because Heather had made a character over there to try to help test out her writing skills and just for a change of pace from our normal pvp server. I made the anti-thesis of my warrior, a mage, while she made a rogue and a hunter.

I have to say though, I'm pretty happy that I did make that little guy there. That server is full of some really great people. That's not to say that my warriors server doesn't have good peeps too, but the entire mindset of the RP server is different. Everyone is there to just chill out and have a good time. You can go and hack each others brains out in pvp, then both step outside and enjoy a mug of ale together. The forums (while I could still see them) isn't full of the hate/ vindictivness of most servers. I'm not saying there isn't drama, but most of the time the community stamps it out on their own, rather than flaming it on.

As far as actual role playing? Like I said, not really my thing, though I do try to be as nice as I can when those events are going on, don't try to disrupt or be an asshat. Hell, I've even been known to pull up alongside the fire, nod at sage advice, laugh at a good joke, or tell something witty! But it's not something I actively try to do. /shrug.

Escapism... yeah... that's the reason I started playing again. I was bored as hell here, plus I wanted to keep in contact with my friends. Plus it keeps the time moving along so I don't have to think about being here so much... of course it makes perfect sense... what???


So that's me in a not so small nut shell. It's not the total me, but it does offer a better understanding of how I approach my characters and does give some more insight into my current displeasure with them. I just hope you guys remember this when I post another "woe is me" post about my toons!

Also, how does this stack against how you know me in game? Similar? Different? Attempting to blow smoke up everyones collective ass? I'd really like to hear back from people on this.

B Side:

New segment! We respond to readers comments! (plus it's like one of the only comments we've gotten in the past month! Fucking lurking bastards!)

Dear John-

Regarding your comment entry of :

Hey! We went to an instance! And it was heroic! AND you got loot!Did that mean nothing?

If you've made it this far into the post, you had to have read the above diatribe on my gaming psyche. So you'll know that until I have my 41 badges to get my Icon of the Silver Crescent, no that wasn't enough. Please have your bear, healer or tankie tank ready to do more heroic instances so I can collect my reward along with three other members, preferably no other clothies and no spell casters who will steal my loots.

Also be aware that as soon as I get it, five minutes later the "Hey I got an upgrade" euphoria will wear off and we'll be back to grinding badges again for the next upgrade unless something good from Kara drops to fill that slot.

Love
Mike

Truthfully this comment and the WoW Insider article inspired me to write the above post. Take pleasure in that. :)

*But seriously, get your toons ready. I need badges! That goes for you too Miss Frost Mage. I know you're reading this!


-M

The river is waiting... I'm ready
To slip from this island... I'm ready

The format of today's post is brought to you by a theft from M. Also you could say I took the idea from Super Paper Mario. Either way, it's Ouuu you're a bad girl!

Flipside

While I do not truly believe M is in a sanctum, I do sometimes envy the fact he is far enough away that he does not have to directly deal with the family issues. Honestly, sometimes I resent the fact that I have to try to be the good daughter because he doesn't know what to do and consequently avoids them. I have to look them in the face when they wonder why he won't call when they know he calls me almost daily. I have to try to pat them when they are crying, screaming, or whateverthehell. I have to answer the phone to talk to this cousin, which I barely know but would love to yank up by his pony tail and clobber him. The old ghetto Heather comes out when she looks at him and she wants to rake his face. The man is a pompous little shit with nothing to back up his superior attitude.

I'm not sure how being a mere 2 hours from the drama will pan out either. Perhaps, it is best that they stirred the pot now. Maybe it can be somewhat resolved by the time we are so close again. And they can finally cut off that part of their family.

When I had to walk away from mine, I always thought it was such a horrible cowardly thing to do. If I was really a strong person I would stay through thick'n thin and all that. Now I'm not so sure that was true.

Flopside

The principle at the facility told one of our residents that he should have me look at his writing. She said she had me look at her disertation and I did a wonderful job. Now he brings me his writing. He waves enthusiastically when he sees me.

Let me explain something here: there are two groups at the facility, the clinical departments which work directly with the residents and their parents, and the administrative departments that push papers and keep the business side of things running. I'm part of the admin side. I work with the kids indirectly. I have on occassion helped with a therapeutic hold but that is basically the extent of any direct contact I have with the kids. I transcribe the doctor's psych notes, so I know a lot about them but I do not often interact.

This boy obviously wants to interact with me. The principle has told him, in different words, that I'm a fellow "geek" (she mentioned us geeks have to stick together refering to herself, this resident and me during a going away party yesterday). So he wants to stick together. He wants me to show interest in him. He wants me to be more than an administrative pencil pusher.

At first, I think I have no business doing this. I maintained that stand. Until today. Right now. Typing this.

I'm not a shrink. I'm not trained clinical staff. However, I have been in a similar boat to the one these kids are sinking in. And I am trained in writing. Furthermore, my teaching experience has largely been his age group or a little younger. I have a unique opportunity to work with someone who actually has an interest in writing. Someone who is hurting though it is obvious he tries to distance himself from his writing and his feelings. Someone who wants me.

They lack any creative writing instruction in their school or therapy. Creative writing can be more therapeutic than journaling because if you use the format of fiction but draw from your own experience, it allows you to go deeper into your feelings than you would in a journal. Their journals are mostly wah, pity party, this sucks, you suck, fucking assholes, balls. I want makeup. I want out. But not really how they feel.

Truth is in the lies. I strongly feel this is so. If I write about myself through Jill, I can go deeper because Jill is not Heather. Heather is not the one being peeled back for everyone to see.

He strikes me as the type who is eager for my attention but defiant in his response. He may not listen to a damned thing I say. He may think he is right and I am full of hooey. But it is my duty, I think, to do something a little more direct with this kid.

WTS [Crazy Ass Relatives] PST

A Side:

Like everyone, my family is fucked up. This excludes my immediate family of Heather and the boy who are perfect saints in comparison. My parents are seemingly closing in on divorce, or shooting each other, my moms relationship with her mother/ sisters/ brothers is just about dead, and my extended family is just a bunch of fucking crazies.

Most of this crap is being stirred up by one paticular cousin. I hate him. I loathe him. If I was given the choice to go back in time and either stop Lenin from rising to power, or stop him from being born... we'll I'd have to give each some serious thought. The problems that he's created have caused a rift between my mom and her mom, my mom and her sisters and in a round about way, have help to contribute to the crap that is going on between my parents.

I had wanted to include this in yesterdays post, but I got side tracked on D&D and WoW. The reason I'm even bringing this up is because this cousin has started to stir the shit pot up again, which in turn means that I get emails from everyone telling me about all the dumbshit stuff that's going on. Things involving my parents, him and my grandmother have managed to poke their ugly heads here in my little Iraqi sanctum.

Yes, I called it my "Iraqi Sanctum" because as Heather said, "You're not hear dealing with this shit, you're off galavanting in Iraq!" (I might have embelished a bit, but you get the gist).

Which is a fair enough claim I guess. I'd rather be here than dealing with that shit. I'm rather glad that we live twelve hours away and don't have to deal with that stuff on a daily basis. I think that's another reason why I don't go home anymore. I'm tired of dealing with my familys problems. I go home just to wade into the middle of all out war between everyone.

Which in turn makes me question why I picked the base that I want us to go to next after I get back from Iraq. It's only two hours away from them. While for some, that would be enough distance, for me (and by extension Heather) I know that's too fucking close. I know that we're going to get caught up in the family drama which is now resembling a bad episode of The Jerry Springer Show.

It also makes me question my long standing belief that family comes first. Blood is blood. I've been teaching the boy this since he was old enough to understand, but he sees the shit that's going on too and, although he can't quite express it, he doesn't want any part of it either.

I don't blame him one bit, I just don't have the answer for him, or myself, on how to fix the situation.

Thowarr: WTS [Crazy Ass Relatives] PST!

B Side:

I'm going to the gym to try to work some of this stress out. Wish me luck.


-M

Bus stop
wet day
she's there
I say
please share my umbrella...

Instance Reset Today

A Side:

This has been such a busy week. We got internet back up a day or two later from when I last posted, but then because we had switched to new hardware, we were having troubles with that for most of the week. In fact, we're still having bugs pop up and just give us minor head aches.

It doesn't help that most people here have the computer skills of a fucking mosquito, so as you can imagine V and I have been running around like chickens with our heads cut off having to get people put back on the new network, email established, intardnets and all the rest of that shit. Even when you put instructions out on how to do this shit, they're suddenly illiterate on top of retarded.

If you can't tell by the tone of the post already, I'm in an extremely pissy mood. I'm sure that's putting it mildly in all actuality. What's put me in such a foul mood is just a week long combination of shit that has resulted in me finally sitting down and banging on the keyboard trying to get some relief. Trying to type my way to cathartic release.

First off: in the post below you read that my Fiero has finally taken a turn for the worse. I love this car, I love its looks, I love the potential for modification within it. But as it stands now, with us still living in an apartment, paying off bills with this deployment and having no time/ knowledge on how to go about this modification, the poor car has just fallen into disrepair. The paint is peeling, the fucking deck lid wing has fallen off (who the fuck paints over the weather seals? ty last owner), the interior is shit, the instrument cluster is a cluster fuck... there's more, but there's only so much storage space on the intardnets and I don't have infinity.

I'm torn between wanting to, as Heather sugggested, throw it off a damn cliff or dragging it with us to our next base and trying to restore it. It would give me the car project that I've wanted, but at the same time, I have such a love/ hate relationship with it that I'm not sure I'd be able to finish it. For people who don't know, the Fiero has a very very tight and limited amount of space to do any work on the engine bay. It makes working on it a pain in the ass. Any type of maintenance to it seems to be a pain in the ass. But that's one issue.

Second up: The goddamn TV. The TV is only four fucking years old. FOUR! 1, 2, 3 FOUR! In her earlier posts, Heather talked about how there was a common problem on this type of TV, and it gave a fix that worked for nine out of ten people. Can you guess where we fall?

Now I get to have two of buddies come over, disassemble the TV into two parts and cart it's massive 333lbs self down to the fucking dumpster. The price that I paid would've been enough to put a nice down payment on a new car, or buy a decent used one. Seriously, four fucking years old. I loved the picture on the TV, I loved the amount of control I had with regards to picture tuning... this is the type of thing that shatters consumers confidence in a manufactor. I've already picked out our next TV, did more in depth research on this one and I'm sure I'll be happy, but at the same time I'm pretty damn mad that I'm even having to deal with this.

My parents still have the first color TV they ever fucking bought. A little 9" Toshiba. The body is a dark yellow now, but guess what? It still fucking works! The picture still looks fine! The mantra that is consumer electronics today "buy it to last 3-5 years and then simply replace it" is a fucked up business model. I've typed out so many lines after that, trying to express my frustration with this that it's summed up best by: ;ALSKDJF09P0_)p(*)(*^&(*&%POAKJSDF;LKJ;akljsdfpo8ij as;dklfad FUCKERS!

Batting third: D&D. Yes I'm still having fun with the game, but we played into the wee hours of the morning today (3am). During that time, I died. One of the party members had gotten bit by a werewolf three weeks ago, or so, and last night in game time was the first full moon. We made camp, my elf took his 4 hour power nap of full restoration, then got up for guard duty for the rest of the time. About an hour later, while on my guard duty, this wolf "appears" and one of my party members is gone. DM wouldn't say where he is, but the wolf proceeds to jump me, rips about half of my fucking left side rib cage away and while I'm down on the ground, "I notice" that this wolf has bracers and a ring on. This action sequence takes about five minutes to happen cause when the DM says, Hey this player is gone, we all start going, well wtf is he? I question intently, saying, Well one of had to have seen him leave. We've had overlapping guard duty, someone had to have seen something. There's only six of us here! Gah!

Anyways, I manage to get back up, I yell for my camp to wake the fuck up, I poked the wolf with my rapier once for like three damage, then the wolf proceeds to rip my throat out. Now in D&D you apparently get a "heroic death" which means that you can do one last move. Drink a health potion, poke the enemy once more, fart, sing a song... I had a piddly health potion. I drank it.

In D&D, when your character reaches zero health points, he's still not dead. He just become incapacitated. It's not until he reaches negative ten that he's dead. After the wolf ripped my side out, it knocked me from twenty six health points to three. When he ripped my throat out, it took me to negative sixteen.

As I'm falling down, gurgling blood, vision fading, side mangled, I performed my "heroic death" and drank my piddly health potion. With that last act, I restored... three health points. Negative thirteen. Yes, your handy rogue died. I believe his last words were... PASODIFJ;ALKSNME; FVNAWEPF(*&()*&)(*^*&(%^ FUCK! My party managed to beat down the wolf which, low and behold, turned out to be the character that got bit by the werewolf three weeks ago and somehow managed to slink off undetected by anyone. As he reached two hit points, he reverted back.

Now when you die, it's not like on a console game, or WoW, where you just run back to your body and rez, or press start to "continue". No, there be real penalties. I was knocked down a level, had a major chunk of my xp taken and it was going to cost 5k gold to "bring me back from the spiritual plane". To say that I was pissed would be putting it mildly. I was now going to be pretty far behind the rest of the group in terms of game play.

They eventually got me back to town, brought my ass back from the void (where the 70 virigins were keeping me cock teased but entertained. Somehow General Order 1 got applied there too O.o) and we managed to cure Dumbshit of his were-curse. Fucker.

Overall, death was a mood killer for me.

Fourth in line: I've talked about WoW character frustration before, but it has mainly pertained to my warrior. I'm starting to experience it on my mage now. I've been trying to get in on some late night Aussie lead instance runs, but to no avail. There's a sign up sheet you're suppose... to... sign up on... and I keep being beat to the punch by two other mages who seem to know exactly when the person puts up the sheet cause they post within ten minutes of it going up.

This has happened three weeks in a row now. I forsee this turning into my warrior, being that I'm going to be relegated to PvP and whatever PUG runs of instances I've done a thousand times being my only options. I have a friend or two that want to help me, but again, the time difference is killing me here. Again, I knew this would happen, but I thought I could press on through it. Apparently I can't.

Which in turn makes me reluctant now to even continue the lock that I'm really enjoying or the druid. The lock is closing in on 70, the druid I just started. But really, wtf am I going to do? There's not much to do when everyone on the server is asleep. I could then start yet another alt, but that's an endless cycle of non fullfillment. I can barely stand the old world content as it is, doing it for any longer than I have to... just no.

One of the officers in my mages guild suggested joining an Oceanic guild that held raiding times more to my current schedule. I have to say, that was a short sighted thing to say. What am I going to do, get in a guild to ride the loot train for six months then say, adios, when I get back to the states? I know some people who would do that, but I can't. That's dishonest and deceitful. That's not me. As it stands, I'll just level the lock and druid. I guess I'll deal with the problems that come up with them as the come. Not much else to do in that regard.

So, this is the end of this pity party, because in the end that's all I feel it is. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. GTFO!


B Side:


This is what I originally intended to blog about. The Air Force has recently given us some pretty damn cool swag. I've got pictures of it down below!

The pic to the left here is of two new knives that I got. The top one is a new survival knife they just gave us, while the bottom knife is the mini knife that they gave us about 2 weeks ago, or so. The one in the middle I got during my deployment to Saudi five years ago.

The bottom knife is the baby brother to the middle knife. They're both Gerbers and they're both pretty nice. The bottom one is also the one that I told you about V cutting himself with :P

The top knife is an Asek Knife. Comes with a nice leg holster, seat belt cutter/ knife sharpener/ screw driver device and has molle points so that I can attach it to my bug out bag (my assault pack/ escape bag). I included a tape to show you guys blade length and all.

Well, I'm wiped. After the massive D&D marathon, work week and general fatigue, I'm just drained. Hope everyone has a good weekend! Tomorrow I get to wash cars and have a room inspection. A fucking room inspection. I'm 32 and an NCO. I'm already starting to get pissed off again. Help me baby Jesus!


-M

Fuck love give me fire

Routinely, I go outside and reconnect the battery on his Pontiac Fiero. Periodically, I drive it around a little and park it in a different spot upon return.

After work today I reconnected the battery with plans to take it for a spin. It gave me the silent treatment. After spending time trying to fix the darned TV I have no energy left to expend on that aggravating car which hates me anyway. I may at least try to get someone to steer it so I can move it to a different parking spot at some point when the parking lot is more empty. I haven't the first clue why it won't so much as turn over now.

Maybe it should join it's friend TV when I push them off the balcony later this week.

I want to be kissed and made better.

Cursed

Post Key:
Sunny - one of the guys at M's shop
Bud - a social worker where I work
ADHD - a therapist where I work
Rocky - former tech where I work; dating ADHD
Petite - nurse where I work

Because of the size of my apartment (or lack thereof) I do not often have gatherings at my place. I do not have a babysitter and rarely get out of the house these days, so I thought having people over would be a way to socialize without need of a babysitter.

I made some queso dip and pimento cheese sandwiches and loaded up the chips, pretzels and sodas. I pulled out Apples to Apples and Curses.

Apples to Apples wasn't the hit it has been in past gatherings. P requested that we play Curses so he could play. Regardless of whether or not they liked the game there was much hilarity.

For the uninitiated, Curses is a game where players must complete various challenges such as "You are Santa Claus, tell everyone what they are getting for Christmas," "You are a flight attendant; tell the passengers they are about to crash," "Ask one of the players to the prom," and so on. Sometimes the challenges are indeed challenging but the real challenge comes in the accumulating curses.

Once cursed, you must continue to do whatever the curse card says throughout the game. These add up so that you have multiple curses at one time. Some examples of curses: Whenever someone rings the bell, cry like a baby. Whenever you read a card, slap yourself. You have 2 in arms, keep your wrists touching your chest at all times. Whenever you speak, pretend you are talking into an invisible CB radio. Whenever you talk, use sign language to go with your words. Whenever the person to your left speaks, shake like there is an earthquake.

As these continue to add up you find yourself shouting out pizza toppings in a pirate accent while crying like a baby and barking like a dog while your neighbor moos and slaps himself. It is rather undignified but pretty damned funny.

After enough humiliation everyone went home. Surprisingly they did seem willing to get together again for game night. Or at least they said yeah, when I asked if this was something they’d be willing to do again.

Petite, Sunny and ADHD liked the apartment. They said I had so many interesting things and things to look at. They loved the handmade stuff (a couple quilts and a sock monkey were some of the things out). M has a lot of Star Wars and various things in a china cabinet. We have lots of books and random things Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and Anime and whatnot all over the place. The living room consists of lots of book cases crammed with books and random things. They compared the apartment to shopping with so many things to look at.

Forced break

I'm sure you guys/ gals have been following the news and have seen that three cables carrying the bulk of the internet connection to Egypt, the mid east and India have been cut (INTARDNETS CRIT FOR 9999999999999!). That affected us as well. Our service was already shit, but now it's slower than ever.

We have some capability back, but nothing like our previous shit-taculor speeds. We were planning on upgrading the servers so this is just fortiudous timing as we were going to be bringing the network up and down anyways. (My team's response to loss of intardnets? "Oh noes! The intardnets are down! We can't work! What will we do?!?!?!" Mikes response? /palmface, /sigh)

What that means to my dear loyal readers though is that the stuff I wanted to post will have to wait until I get a bit more stable connection. It should be more reliable in a few days, so I'll build stories and get them ready for here.

Until that time, everyone have fun and I'll see you in a few days :)


-M

Words are meaningless
and forgetable